Have you ever stood at the edge of a decision, heart pounding, as if your next step could change everything? I have. More times than I can count. But there was this one moment, not too long ago, when everything really did change for me. It wasn’t marked by fanfare or dramatic shifts; instead, it came on a seemingly ordinary Tuesday when I realised I was running on empty, chasing highs from quick wins that never seemed to last.
So I did what I do… as all achievers do. Grid down and push on through, reciting my comfort mantras, telling myself this isn’t forever… everything worth doing is going to be difficult, if not it’d just be “The Way,” right? Ignoring my health warnings and rapidly increasing mood swings, and then the worst one yet—getting caught falling asleep in a car park by an old friend, due to sheer exhaustion.
You know the old saying, "busy is good"? We often use it to discount our lack of presence or as a humble brag. Somehow, I'm not so sure anymore. Our busy, progress-driven culture has become a way of life, a standard to live up to. If we don’t work every day, if we don’t move to the next job immediately after the last engagement, it’s considered shameful. Compared to previous generations, the current cohort is always regarded as weaker. But when you start to think about the other stresses we need to juggle—the mental load, the compounded stressors of information overload, technological advancement, the complexities of modern urban life in the 21st century, competition, and inflation, and the very nature that we can see and compare ourselves with millions of people across the globe (in relation to pre-internet days - it was just the immediate neighbourhood) — it becomes clear that our struggles today… are indeed unique.
In our constantly connected world, it’s easy to mistake activity for productivity, motion for progress. We jump from task to task, seeking that next dopamine rush, often without stopping to ask ourselves why. Why does this matter? Why does this feel never-ending? Why am I still not satisfied? Why am I stuck in this dead-end job, with a toxic boss, telling myself constantly, “it’s ok… just a little longer… I’m fine”.
I felt this way before, stuck and alone even when surrounded by friends. The funny thing was I always thought my journey was supposed to be epic, with highs and lows and amazing climax just like the great movies do. So all these struggles I was going through were just building me up for something wonderful later in life… the question was, how long was this struggle going to last? Even though, I had read so much about the role of dopamine in our striving and goal orienting processes, yet searching for it now, still had me feeling depleted. And then… comes the shame. “This isn’t me, I’m not living up to my potential… Why am I here when I could be with my children?” and “Why am I in this position where I cannot quit?”
I finally asked myself, what was the lesson I was suppose to learn from this experience? Why was I caught in a loop, constantly living my forever groundhog day?
Then like a load of bricks, it finally lands. I had lowered my standards so low, that I was willing to do anything for money, including sell my bloody soul to the highest bidder… I looked over to my boss in the open concept office, then like a flash… I remembered some sage advice my father once told me, “When you’re in a job and questioning if you’re in the right place, simply look around at the senior management working there and ask yourself if you like what you see. Because if you stay there long, you will surly grow into this person one day.”
I also believe that everyone comes into your life for one of three reasons; either (1) A warning, to be the mirror of what shadow-side you are trying to disown in your own life, (2) As a mentor, to shine some light on what future you might be able to realise in your life, and (3) As a running mate, to help you attain that future goals with you.
Don’t get me wrong, he was at the top of his game, highly successful, and totally dedicated to his work, but our values were miles apart. I realized that if I continued on this path, I would become someone I didn’t want to be. It was a moment of clarity that made me see the importance of aligning my environment with my core values and well-being. Staying would have meant compromising who I truly am, so I knew I had to make a change.
And that my friend was enough for a “push” factor. What I’ve learned is that everything—every situation, every event, every person in our lives—has a chemical signature in our brains. This signature is linked to a specific meaning, which in turn is tied to an emotion. We tend to favor familiar emotions, even if they are ones we've come to fear or dislike, because they keep us in our current state. Doing anything different feels unfamiliar and includes the unknown, which our brains perceive as unsafe. Our brains' desire to keep us safe often outweighs our desire to change, even if we are unhappy with our current lives. The chemicals released when we face the challenges of change scare us, and without understanding why, we retreat back into the familiar feelings we tolerate.
“We don’t often get in life what we want, but we do get what we tolerate, we are living into our minimum standards right now…” - Regan Hillyer
We need a dream, a purpose (let’s not talk about THE Life Purpose - but a personal intimate purpose first ya!) and we need to raise our minimum standards in order to keep evolving. Though I’m grateful for all the things which have gotten me to where I am today, but I’m done! It’s time to raise it up.
It’s chemical… and once you know - you can’t un-know…
It was time to reinvent my identity once again. I needed to figure out how to harness true fulfillment. This time, a mindset check was essential. Instead of letting my goals highlight how far I was from where I truly wanted to be, I set milestones of action steps and skills I needed to learn.
This journey started with a stark realization during one of my lowest points. I became aware that my state was trapping me in a wicked thought-loop. Despite all the meditation and physical movements, I couldn’t mentally break free—I needed to change my environment. I had to change the view and gain a broader perspective.
I took time to "sit in the mud" and uncover the unconscious habits keeping me stuck in old emotional cycles. What old stories was I addicted to, and what new habits could I start to replace them with to enter a new emotional state?
I knew what I had to do: raise the standards I set for myself, reignite my values and non-negotiables, and rewrite and visualize my goals. Not just focusing on what I want to achieve in life, but on who I want to become and, more importantly, how I want it to feel. I needed to design a new state of mind.
In that moment of exhaustion, I realized that satisfaction comes from the fulfillment one feels after struggling and pushing through the friction of a purposeful endeavor. While pleasure is the momentary hit of dopamine after accomplishing milestone tasks, it's necessary to keep us on track and striving for our goals. I began assigning new, empowering meanings to my experiences, aligning my actions with my deeper purpose.
As I stood at the edge of that decision, I understood that our actions, when driven by purpose, can reshape our state and help us overcome our deepest fears. But this journey begins with the right inciting incident—the “push” factor—that can finally get us out of our state of limbo.
Something I learned called the Region Beta Paradox, a phenomenon where people can sometimes recover more quickly from more distressing experiences than from less distressing ones, suggests that most people have to hit rock bottom. When the pain threshold finally goes beyond what is tolerable, they are compelled to make a change in their lives.
It's about adopting the right navigational mindset and finding balance while using our values-compass to manage stress. True fulfillment comes from meaningful struggle, doing purposeful things, and letting the feedback define who we are, rather than the other way around.
The light at the end of the tunnel (this time I know it’s not the train) led me to develop the Narrative Navigational Framework. This system serves as my compass, helping me navigate through life. Through this, I coined the term "navigational mindset," specifically for achievers who can’t sit still and need alignment.
It's too much to explain all at once, so I'll break it down over time. I'll map this framework across the Hero’s Journey story structure and show how the navigational system of feedback can be used as a compass. Stay tuned for more insights!
So, next time you find yourself overwhelmed by the rush of tasks and the pressure to keep up, take a step back. Reflect on your state, change your physiology, and assign meaningful purpose to your actions. Remember, "The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." – Lao Tzu. Embrace the journey of transformation and take that first step into owning your passion and the superpower of design.
I can tell. Love to hear more about your model; enough there for many more articles. Not all light in the distance is good, but sometimes it is 😂
This is very insightful; “focusing not on what we want to achieve, but how we want to feel”. I’m gonna use that.